


In Case of Zombies: Break Reality

by llwydion



Series: reflections (DCMK AUs) [3]
Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: (the author's not very good at crack but it is an attempt), Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Crack, Gen, Pandora does show up, no Black Org in this one, some gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 09:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18118157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llwydion/pseuds/llwydion
Summary: The zombie apocalypse is here, and it's probably all Kaitou KID's fault. Somehow.He's not paid enough to deal with this crap. (Well, he's six, so really he isn't getting paid at all.)





	In Case of Zombies: Break Reality

**Author's Note:**

> wow it's been a while since i worked in this fandom, and so instead of leaping directly into the next installment of "shadows of the world" i decided to write a lighter test piece first

The apocalypse begins, as all terrible, world-changing things do, on a weekday. It might even have been a Tuesday.

Conan wakes up that morning to screams from outside his window and the loud, contented snores from Kogorou, who sleeps a floor below but whose breathing can rival a pack of elephants.

Ran bursts into the room, wild-eyed, blood-splattered, and wielding, of all things, an umbrella. It’s her favorite umbrella, the pink Fusae one covered in little pastel green gingko leaves.

“The zombies are here, let’s go.”

Conan stares at her like she’s lost her mind. Her father snores on in the background.

Ran rolls her eyes, rolls up her sleeves (and is that _brain matter_ there? God, has Shinichi mentioned how much he loves this woman recently?), and picks up Conan from where he’s sitting on the bed.

“Up. Breakfast is in the kitchen, and I need to go wake up Dad.”

And with that, she leaves, shutting the door behind her with a firm click.

Two minutes later, the snores abruptly stop, and the usual sound of Kogorou banging around in his room begin.

* * *

Over breakfast (steamed white rice, miso soup, tamagoyaki, and pickles on the side), Ran fills them in.

“Tokyo’s in a state of emergency now, because of the outbreak. We’ve been told to stay inside as much as possible, but the government’s in chaos and nobody’s quite sure what to do. People have started calling it the zombie apocalypse.”

She’s still splattered in blood, and Conan raises an eyebrow.

“I had to do some cleaning so I could grab the morning paper.” She smiles, and a bit of greyish, rotting skin slides out of her hair when she tilts it.

“Whoops, sorry, I guess I should go take a bath first.”

She troops up the stairs, and all Conan can think of is how happy she looked just then.

God, he loves this woman, but she is _terrifying_.

And really, zombies? Were murders not enough, now zombies had to be added to the mix?

Sometimes he really hated his life.

* * *

He calls Agasa after breakfast.

“Yes, Agasa residence.”

“Professor, which one of your inventions was it this time?”

“Shinichi, I swear it wasn’t me this time, alright? Ai’s looking into it right now.”

He thinks about that statement for a minute.

“And how exactly is that happening?”

“Well, er, you see… she’s decided that keeping a few – I guess live samples is the best word for it?”

In the background, he hears Haibara shouting, “Live specimens are the best way to advance scientific research, Professor!”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m on my way, be there in a few.”

As he heads out the door, he grabs his trusty skateboard. You can never be too prepared, after all.

* * *

He’s zooming by on his skateboard. All those pop culture references were right about one thing – zombies were very, very slow. He’s also revising his knowledge as he goes, because apparently this zombie thing can also affect _dogs_. It’s a little horrifying, but also really fascinating.

He gets picked up about halfway to his destination by a white annoyance floating by on a hang glider.

“Kaitou KID express delivery service, helping out all local young detective children in need!”

He makes a futile grab for the hat, but KID expertly ducks the wandering hand.

“Nope, no way, _Tantei-kun._ You know the rules.”

Conan clicks his tongue in annoyance. “I didn’t need your help, KID. I was doing just fine.”

“But what if I wanted to check how my favorite detective is doing? The world’s ending, after all.” KID asks, a familiar moue on his face.

“Yeah, and?”

“You’re so mean, _Tantei-kun_.”

Just then, KID lands in front of Agasa’s house and gently deposits Conan on the sidewalk. He may have squished one particularly boring zombie in the process, but that’s neither here nor there. They both look down at the gore underneath one of KID’s white shoes.

“Ew. Now I have to clean them.”

“So eloquent.”

And as usual, KID pulls a white rose from his buttonhole.

“For you, _Tantei-kun._ And remember, the Kaitou KID special delivery service is half off for the apocalypse only!”

As he watches KID’s glider shrink to a point, he wonders if there’s any heists planned soon. Working around zombies would be an interesting challenge.

* * *

Apparently, Haibara thinks this is all the fault of some _gem._ Pandora, or something like that?

“Great. First zombies, then Kogorou thinking nothing is wrong, and now you’re telling me it’s some magical doohickey stuff? Magic isn’t even real.”

She smirks.

“That’s what you think, but I have proof.”

He raises an eyebrow as Kaitou KID comes crashing through the window.

“Not again, little Scientist! Why do you keep asking me for these dramatic entrances when I don’t have my crash-landing gear?”

“The gem, if you please. Now.”

“Fine, fine.”

From the inner breast pocket of his suit (and Conan notes that it was white before, but now it’s a kind of … pinkish color), he pulls out a small red gem.

Haibara waves it at the zombies milling about on the first floor of Agasa’s house. They immediately stop and turn their heads toward it, and some of them (the ones with functional vocal cords, he assumes) make groaning noises.

“Well, what exactly is this supposed to show me?”

KID looks at the gem. “It’s called Pandora. It’s supposed to grant me immortality, but one of my witch friends accidentally set a curse on me so it rebounded when I touched it, and well… this happened. I’m pretty sure I know how to put it back though, I just need to gather all of the infected in one place.”

“And what are we supposed to do about that?”

Haibara rolls her eyes. “This is why you got shrunk in the first place. Use your brains, please. Whatever you have left of them.”

He thinks about it for a bit. Then some more.

“Oh, you mean a heist.”

* * *

Zombies, as it turns out, are surprisingly receptive to loud noises and bright flashes, and it’s really easy to change everyone back.

KID still escapes though. He tries to get a good soccer ball to the head in, but it just bounces off the wall next to KID and goes over the edge.

Down below, they hear Inspector Nakamori's enraged shouting.

"Oh, whoops. See you next time,  _Tantei-kun._ "

.

.

.

_Omake:_

“Is there any way I can make just a few people into zombies, permanently?” Kaito asks Akako, a few days after the Apocalypse That Never Was.

She raises an eyebrow.

“Why do you want to do that?”

He smirks.

“Don’t you think that bastard Hakuba was greatly improved as a zombie? Much less boring.”

**Author's Note:**

> y'all i really need sleep


End file.
